Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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