That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize