I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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