I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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