why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize