you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
