I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
