Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my poor anus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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