It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize