Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
