The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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