Moan for me like Helen Keller
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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