In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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