Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize