But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize