I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
