i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
