So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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