u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
