The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
