Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
