i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
