I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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