Did you just see the Batmobile???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
tell me about the eggs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
