I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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