so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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