fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
