Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
