the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
