your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
