Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize