There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That's intense
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i now understand why vodka
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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