Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
