Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
