you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
