Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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