he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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