i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
...so i touched it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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