this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
