oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just invented taco cereal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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