It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
