Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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