I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize