Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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