he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize