I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
