my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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