she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
