It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
