And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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