new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize