pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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