Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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