you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
