she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
