Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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