If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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