I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
