I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
