Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
