does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
