Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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