Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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