i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
