That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
