So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
