True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They have beer where we have blood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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