we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
