Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
