is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
