Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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