She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
