the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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