i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
