How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
