why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
