i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize