can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
