WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
